I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
