I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
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My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
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I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
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