at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
