nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
and she was petting her beer can
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
