Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
Randomize
