i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
