They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
