An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
