I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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