Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
