Well douche your snatch and let's go!
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
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