pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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