I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
