Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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