Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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