I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
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