So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I skipped work to stalk him.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
