i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
