my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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