My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize