Michael Bay diarrhea
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
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