well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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