running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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