she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Randomize
