I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
