she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
