just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Randomize