I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Randomize
