Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
