Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
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