Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
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