What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
