the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
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