Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
