Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
