my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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