I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
