I seem to have left my pride at pride
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
