i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
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