HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize