We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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