my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
