Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
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My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
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I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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