I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
