I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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