shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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