my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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