I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Randomize
