i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
