Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
