Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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