just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
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