She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
