I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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