I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
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