I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
