Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Randomize
