i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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