just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
