We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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