Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
