Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
