I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
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I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I think your dad took our porno
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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