i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
