please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
