Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
