Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
