You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
