All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
