I need to stop coming to work sober
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
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IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
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Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
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