I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
So here I am, sexting at work.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
Randomize
