Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
