we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I wear drunk well.
Randomize
