i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
